Good morning to some and it maybe evening or night to those of you across the sea!
I found a delightful surprise the other night. Many of you are on my channel and have been with me for a long time. I know that it was very disappointing when I deleted the old channel and with it years of videos and advice, thoughts, and memories. I have to admit that I regret my hast just a bit. I just felt tired, done with the crazy cyberspace wild west, and was truly ready to throw in the towel and start carving out a new trail in a new direction.
Alas, it seems I have a love for the work and I returned. But right now I’m reading that book; Essentialism, and I truly go to bed each night wondering what to let go, what my trade offs are to be in order to live fully and thrive.
I know the boys and man (and dogs) are my top, top priority. Spiritual health has to be above that or I’m of no use. But then what?
I need creative outlets…but how many? Homemaking is very creative. Then you have gardening. Cooking. Baking could be more creative and I’m working on that. I do NOT foresee making my own clothes or knitting our winter sweaters in the near future…or ever. I will can again and preserve food one day again. So, lots on the homefront to keep busy and entertained.
Then there is my writing. It has suffered since moving here. I used to produce a book every few months. I would join NaNoWriMo every November and do the virtual camps April and July. I completed all but two challenges out of 6 or 7 that I entered. I loved writing. I haven’t produced anything in almost 8 months now.
YouTube entered my life 3 years ago. I was trying to lose a lot of weight becoming vegan and I started looking up recipes and learning how to shop and cook in a way that would last. I learned to veganize everything and was having a ball. I started watching really good channels such as High Carb Hannah and So You’re Dating A Vegan. It was around the time HCH and her husband moved to the desert and set up life in a tiny house. She would do this lovely filming of her mornings walking, hanging out her laundry, drinking tea on the little porch, cooking. I loved being snuggled in bed in the wee hours with my candles and coffee, my little boys snoring and watching her desert life or learning a new dish with SYDAV.
Then I thought, “Hey, I can show our sweet little life!”
With a funky Fuji digital camera and free YouCam on the laptop I began recording our humble, simple life. My objective back then was to show others that you really could live on very little, have one person stay home to raise the kids or work on a personal dream, and thrive. I wanted to show people that frugality wasn’t being a weirdo cheap family, sacrificing SO much, living in a hovel and eating ramen daily. I wanted to show what a charming and cozy life we had and it was all on one paycheck back then.
When I started I didn’t even know you could monetize a channel. I did it for free and from the heart.
Well, I got to wonderin’ the other night if I truly deleted everything. I pulled out my old USB port that has a huge memory and I keep everything worth anything on there. I plugged it in and was surprised and thrilled to find all my old videos from the first year of YouTubing!
I found some videos from the next year and even this year. I found really good old ones people have been lamenting over the loss and asking me to remake.
I watched a few of them and I was reminded of that fresh and enthusiastic spirit I started out with. The boys were so little, I was so new and life was delightful. And it still is but I have to say that those first years vlogs had such charm despite the cheap equipment and lack of experience. I haven’t really changed that much except I’ve lost that zeal and purity.
I think it’s perfect that I have mostly just the first year. That was the best year in my opinion. I was coming from a true place of wanting to share and inspire. Later I would start treating the channel as more of a business model, talking shop with other YouTube pals, beginning the descent into comparing and competing to get more subscribers and earnings. And that is when I lost the joy and creativity.
The channel has improved on some levels but the love of doing it has waned over time and we have been working so hard in real life. Since moving up here we have been chopping wood, hauling water, plowing fields, painting, painting, and painting. Then fostering, then summer fires all over the place, and now I’m off on some strange new journey of whole food plant based living and obsessed with Zen Buddhist monks. I really have no clue what is evolving here, I’m just going with the flow, following my interest.
What I do know is that as I watched the old videos I remembered what it was like to be excited about something and to give it freely without judging myself or turning it into a business and setting goals to drive it. When you don’t care where it goes or how far or about subscribers or money, you have fun playing and creating.
So, starting next week I will be posting the old videos and creating a library of archived vlogs. I will be posting the oldies for some time while I take a big, fat, long break that is overdue and that I’ve been trying to take for some time now. There are some good videos here and you can enjoy the techni colors of my YouCam. I forgot those days when I sometimes looked a bit orange or very rosy. You’ll hear the clicking of my old digital as I “zoom” in and out trying to be fancy with my rickety camera equipment. These are the days before I switched to a cell phone as my recording tool and dug out a tripod from the closet. That tripod changed everything.
There is a good couple months of stuff here.
And as for the old blogs many of you were missing…I completely forgot that I have a published book filled with a collection of past blog writings that span the first few years of my work.
If you don’t want all the writings and only the homemaking ones, there is a seperate book.
So, I feel good now because the early stuff is still around, and truly, it is the cream of the crop before I turned with greed, burn out, boredom… and was assaulted by trolls and scary things that go bump online. These are my first works. The clumsy and innocent but honest works of a homemaker just trying to encourage others to stop running around and working like rats and taste the deliciousness of being home to nest and bake and build dreams.