Good morning, everyone. I have been up since very early and I did something foolish that I have not done before, even with all the warnings. I went on the Gossip Bakery site and fell down the dark hole. And all I can say is…wow.
They choose YouTubers and just go for it. Some of them, and I know you (Gossip Bakery) all will read and share this now, seem obsessed. There were videos up with my dialogue analyzed, my blogs up with things highlighted and underlined. There were even minutes taken on so many of my past videos. It’s crazy, as if they study and take notes from years of videos and blogs. Who has time for this? And why? As they say, I’m not that interesting.
I wish I hadn’t gone on there, you can’t unburn toast, as my son says. But it is done.
Oh well. I rather not be the subject for anyone’s rampages. I was foolish with the first channel in sharing too much. I was new and had no idea what I was getting into. This time I was foolish to come back.
I used to love blogging and vlogging. I would sit with my coffee and write and it was my peaceful, happy space. Not anymore. I feel like it has all been defiled. I can literally feel the inspiration and joy being drained from my soul. I wish I had never been told of that site. Ignorance is bliss. But some tried to be protective and for that I’m appreciative.
So, there are no accidents. I think one of my ladies on here was right. I came back for the community but my trust and lightheartedness is gone. I want to share the boys and spouse, the home and life. However, it’s just not a good idea in this day and age. I had no idea people could get so mean. I remember the first time I had trolls on my channel, it was shocking and disturbing. That is why many YouTubers turn off comments or just disappear. Why subject yourself to such hateful energy?
I loved that community and I love the community that has found this spot. I have no idea what the future will bring but for now I’m going to dismiss myself and refocus on the home. I truly don’t have anything more to share. The gossips are correct; I’m not a fantastic cook or homemaker, housecleaner, mother, wife…certainly no guru, not the best writer (that is why I do have an editor), and I have shared all I know. My stories are real, they are not gleaned from Penny Pinching Mama or anywhere else, my life is real and not perfect or set up before I get on camera, my feelings are honest and not faked.
You must have a very thick skin to be in the public. I thought I had one but after a few years of trolls and gossips, I’m tired of it. There is a joke about being online; never read the comments. And yes, they are right.
I’d rather just go back to how life was before. I was peaceful, focused on family. I was always learning, reading, writing. Days were filled with pleasant rituals. I didn’t have this ugliness in my life or mind. And after being raised in abuse most of my life, it’s hard to take it in again.
I thank all of you for years of love, support, encouragement. You have healed and inspired me as much as you say I have you. You all helped me through lonely times and I loved sharing my stories and life with all of you.