I long for the ocean right now. Seems like a safe place to be with all the fires. I am most concerned for forest. Forest are everything to me…and the ocean.
The last so many months have been hard on so many of us around the world. First a new virus, then a quarantine, something most of us haven’t experienced in this lifetime. Now we have fires in California (everywhere) and still issues with disease and closures. People are losing their minds.
We can’t walk outside due to such thick smoke. I haven’t been able to walk with Molly or take the kids on the trails to wear them out. We walk the dogs quickly to the little forest and back so they feel they had something. Anything more than that would be hard on all our lungs.
These times make me grateful for the days when the skies are clear and we can explore the forest. I become wistful for the simple things, like walking to Safeway for a bag of groceries or just sitting on our porch with coffee.
The shelter in during the Springtime was hard at first and then we began to take advantage of the quiet time. We worked hard while social visits were on hold. We also discovered that we prefer more quiet family time to having people around all the time or running about. We got used to it, embraced it, and eventually it became a prefered way to live. At home, with each other, in a sweet, pleasant world free of drama and noise.
I won’t adjust to the fires. We need to be outside gardening, playing, roaming the villages and wild. But we can’t breath outside right now and I pray that Mother Earth shows some mercy and our beautiful forest don’t all burn down. I don’t care about my house, I care more about our park and trails. I can live in a tent (not ideal) but I can’t do without nature.
But it is our reality every summer now here in California and so we have to adjust over the next few weeks or so. I have us packed up in case of evacuation. We signed up for reverse 911 and fire alerts. We stay in touch with neighbors. And then we work on the inside of the house.
When we moved here we had a handyman and his crew do the floors and paint. It was a crappy job. My bamboo floors have huge gaps and I feel upset every day that I look at them. When I see others floors I feel envy. Bali started fixing the floors yesterday and the living room looks fabulous now! Since he can’t work outside we work on floors, finishing the kitchen cabinets, cleaning and more purging and organizing. The kids watch movies, do art, read, build and create with magna tiles and railroad tracks.
When life hands you a situation you adapt, improvise and overcome! I just love that Marine motto. It can be applied to everyday life. Make the most of each situation because they can be used as tools for growth and improvement.
Some situations look terrible at first glance but can be used for transformation. Take my experience with that gossip site that harassed me and my family. I chose to delete all my work; years of blogging and vlogging on the channel. I chose to erase my media personality completely. This seems tragic as I destroyed years and thousands of hours of work. I disappeared in thin air, leaving my community to wonder what the heck had happened as they searched the air online frantically.
But I understood the whole meaning. I was in a phase of transformation that was going very deep and, although, most of the purging was on the surface and tangible, such as giving away furniture, paintings, tossing depressing photos…I was also purging old parts of myself. Old hurts and feelings of rejection are looked at and purged with the tossing of the old photos or letting go of old furniture that belonged to my mother, items that came from a rough past and still held that energy. With each item I delete, trash or remove, I empty myself of old, toxic energy, clear the space emotionally and physically, to allow new and better things to come fill up the readied space.
Just like the living room. I gave away everything, scrubbed and washed the space and found new furnishings that fit the room much better and now it looks charming and sweet. We do this internally, spiritually. We let go of jobs, partners, friends, thoughts, hurts…and new people and jobs enter. Joy and light enter.
My personality is ever changing and now that I’m coming up on 50 years of living, I am shedding yet another skin to emerge anew. I see it in my reactions, in my deep cleaning of house and life, my thoughts, my choice in documentaries, books, music and movies. I’m evolving into a new thing and it’s very fun.
So, I destroyed all I had created without a thought. I wanted to build anew from my heart. This time truly being myself without hiding parts so as not to offend anyone. It’s still Kate, but the whole circus this time. Not just certain tales and performances to please the masses. I want to offer a hearty dish to inspire, support, assist in healing and transformation.
I love homemaking and home life, but there is so much more. SO. MUCH. MORE! Some will not like the change. I’ve already had some point out that I am not as sparkly and cheerful, that there is a sternness to me. Of course! When you go through a trying time you come out of it changed. I have learned to not be so open, vulnerable, thus exposing myself and my family to abuse. You get smart real quick, and you better if you want to be public in any way.
And this is me. I’m not always cheerful. I’m down right a grumpy 50 year old lady sometimes. I yell at my kids and dogs, there is chaos in my home, Bali and I bicker, I burn meals, I stay in my pj’s way past noon some days, dishes pile up in my sink, and I love junk food and TV. That is a part of me just as much as the neurotic lady that cleans and rearranges her whole house every month or takes on big painting and gardening projects. I cook from scratch…I open bags of convenience foods. I put in a huge garden…it isn’t so successful and we eat greens and squash all summer until I pull out all the squash plants because I can’t stomach one more. I learned to can but still terrified of the pressure canner. I sew like a sailor with no domestic skills. My bread is hardy but sure won’t be winning any awards at the fair.
I used to record only when the house was tidy and I was in a good space emotionally. I tried to be upbeat and happy, sugar coating everything. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be real. I want to show that you don’t have to be the perfect housewife, the beauty queen, always so happy and perky. It ain’t real!
Let’s talk about deep stuff! Let’s embrace imperfection and live in a relaxed manner.
I found that being on YouTube for a few years, I started watching other channels similar to mine to get ideas. That’s what you do, you collaborate, glean ideas, techniques and so on. But what also happens with the creative inspiration is some comparisons and then not feeling as good as. Vegan families were so perfect with only their organic, whole foods. Homes sparkled and shined with their new furniture in the suburban homes built to perfection. Women looked fabulous with the hair and makeup and some help from filters and lighting, editing was incredible, filming could win awards! Good lord, some of these YouTube videos are like brilliant mini documentaries.
How could I compete with my cheap Android phone and natural window lighting, not to mention my free editing app.? I can’t. I have the funky house, I’m not the incredible cleaning lady. And I don’t like to cook all the time. I love that packaged faux meats and cheeses. Amen! Oh, and I look like crap warmed over sometimes and I have no filters for that.
But I have good things, positive things to share. I have deep thoughts to explore. I have created a cozy home and my family loves to gather for a delicious supper. My kids are crazy healthy and extremely smart and wise for their ages. Our family is incredibly bonded and loving. I know how to inspire and motivate. Joy, personal happiness and the enjoyment of a simple life is the goal.
So, I now get to do that. I started all over with the blog and channel and I get to be real, true, show all the good and funky, hippy, shabby chic. I can share my spiritual ideas openly and freely without worrying about offending anyone because everyone has a choice to join me or not.
Being harrassed was the best thing to happen. It forced me to get rid of all of the old persona that had become burnt out and start from the beginning in my truest form so I, and all who join me, may thrive.
The fostering has been hard work and a challenge. I often wished I could rewind to the day they ask, “Are you still interested in fostering?” and say no thank you and hang up quickly. But as time goes on I see all the strengths and positive changes. It definitely takes a shift of the mind and consciousness. And a deep surrender. Deep. Surrender. Let’s just say I watch a lot of my Buddhist monk documentaries to alter my state of being.
We are learning to serve another and adapt to change in our lifestyle and to be inconvenienced on many levels. I go back and forth everyday with wanting to quit and wanting to continue on this journey. For some it’s brutal, for some it brings about growth and enlightenment. The question is; how much inconvenience do we deal with to serve another?
This is also a question of do we go back to our old life and relish our simple and quiet ways…or do we step it up and take on other children and decide that that is our path, our way at this time?
Still not liking the fires. We will fix the floors, scrap paint, maybe even apply paint, clean, organize, read novels, purge more…not really a bad life and in the end when the smoke clears we will have accomplished so much that we can run through the forest all day, because our home chores are done.