Serving others and setting boundaries.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

I’m up early today, 4:30ish AM to be exact. It’s been a long time since I’ve started my day so early. I used to rise at crazy hours, even for a farmer, 2:30 and 3:00…

I have a lot on my mind. Yesterday I ran about collecting curriculum for the boys from their co-op homeschool, packets from Little Miss’s school and spend the evening filling out more papers, looking through books, watching orientation videos, and beginning the reading process with Sam, since he is beyond eager to learn everything and anything.

Today will be all about preparing for the school year, or at least the first half of it. I need to go through clothing and organize it all, wash backpacks, and I’ll be setting up a big shelf here in the kitchen with school books, tools, library books, and supplies. Keeping everything in one place and organized is key.

This year Arjan will be in 3rd grade and needs to focus a bit more on math and writing structure, sciences, and literature, history…if he could he would study dinosaurs ad nauseaum, but it’s time for other things. I let him choose what he’s passionate about in each subject and it’s a little free range/Finland style/unschooling. But there needs to be some foundation.

Sam is so, so eager and excited to learn and I am looking forward to working with him. He had me order all sorts of curriculum last night. We were doing another relaxed year of kindergarten (Finland style/Waldorf) but he is ready and so I’m going with it.

In the mornings I’ll take Little Miss to Head Start and then spend the 3 hours with the boys and their schoolwork at home. Two days a week they will go to some classes. The weeks will be very busy for all of us.

I’ve restarted the YouTube channel but I’m not super clear on what I have to offer this new channel. I don’t want it to be like the old channel. I want it to be clear, inspiring, spiritually expressive, motivational with the homekeeping and economizing, and explorative of family and home life.

I’ve made four videos already to begin, but I have found that sharing my inner explorations is backfiring on me. I can not and will not get personal anymore because it sets me up for criticism and advice from others that I have no desire for. So I share vaguely, because I DO want to talk about finding one’s boundaries and honoring our truths, however, some have made assumptions and begun to give marital advice or discuss my decision to foster. This is very annoying. One person says the changes in me over the past two months is not good and they think it is the fostering, they see sadness in my eyes (I’m thinking the calmness in my eyes is foreign to most). Another told a lengthy story of a marriage about to fall apart and the corny tale of healing. Another woman keeps pestering me about getting a mammogram.

Part of me is charmed by these caring and fussing souls, part of me feels that returning was a mistake. I didn’t return for advice and assumptions. My marriage is fine and fostering is work but we have learned and grown from the experience.

If anything I’ve calmed down quite a bit from this frenetic, neurotic spree to be perfect and run my house like a military camp. When we first started fostering I tried to do it all; my channel, blog, writing, baking, cooking, super clean house, organized everything, routines, schedules, raise the kids, raise the dogs…it was crazy behavior and I said, “No, it’s all good, I’m just staying on top of things.” As I wiped my brow and panted a bit.

At first I was thrilled to have a little girl in the house and thought it all fun and games and she was so adorable. Well, that wore off fast. It became hell for 5 weeks until I set boundaries and routines and became firm about things. She is thriving now and behaves well, eats all her veggies and goes to bed after a couple books. We are dialed in, as they say. But the fantasy is gone.

Now I will get honest about this subject because I keep getting advice. If anyone would like to criticize I will just delete it. I’m not into the negative criticism which comes mostly from those that would never reach out and help or foster anyone or thing.

Fostering this child is not that difficult. She is eager to learn and behave. She is cheerful and loves to help out. She loves to cook and eat, help me fold laundry and tidy. She is quite fun.

She also has some issues as any child in her position would. There is a thing such as Indiscriminate Attachment Disorder. She immediately attaches to anyone with a pulse. It is common in children that have been emotionally or physically, even intellectually neglected. She has a hunger for attention that may or may not ever be filled. She is also afraid of being left or abandoned. She is my shadow and even simple acts of going to the pantry has her up out of her chair and searching for me to make sure I don’t escape to somewhere. When people are over I often have to pry her off of them and I’m trying to teach her about “the bubble”.

This ain’t so bad. So she’s attached and follows me about. We read, we talk, we cook, we eat. But sometimes it is trying on the nerves.

What sucks about fostering is having to deal with the parents. The disappointments for the child because they can’t pull their s^#t together. Then there is the regressive behavior after visits. She thrives and then declines a bit after seeing the parent. And the state, the county, the welfare system, and the foster agency all live with us and are now family. My phone rings constantly, my schedule is packed, I’m always filling out forms…and it’s all for one little person.

My family and our life is on the back burner.

Fostering takes a certain type of person and family. It is a career. It pays $1.37 an hour and takes up your days and sometimes nights. It has it’s rewards, honor in serving a child or teen, and is worth it in the end, but it is a full time job. You work for the county…or state, I still don’t know which. You will have no life outside this world once you enter it. I can’t imagine having 3 or more foster children.

We started out wanting to adopt. That was 3 years ago but it took so long to process our license due to a mistake on the agencies side, that we only started now. 3 years ago I was still in my 40’s and felt differently. I wanted more children and babies. Today I’m 50, starting the ‘change’ and I don’t know that I can deal with more children and babies.

I think I could take on this little one. She’s almost 4. I think to myself, “I’ll just keep doing yoga and stay young.” But there is another baby on the way. Yes, her parent is very pregnant and in 3 months another bundle is coming and we are not up for the challenge. I spent the wee hours mulling this over. I thought of schedules, getting them all off to school, late nights with an infant…

Not to mention we would have to buy a different vehicle. We are a 5 seater and need a 6 seater car. We were prepared for one extra child. Not two, but the system would like to keep the siblings together and I agree with that.

So, what does this all mean? It means we were the foster family here to support a reunification of mother and child (no matter how long that took), but that may not happen and now there is another child on the way. It means that we have now become simply the transitional home while a permanent home that has the desire and means to adopt these two children is found. It means that our journey is about over.

I still go back and forth. I like having a third child. Four will send me over the edge.

I will be honest in that this is the first and last time. I find the whole experience to be educational but toxic. It is depressing. The energy of it, the reality of it. The fact some parents are addicts and have children and then a whole community winds up raising the children, because they can’t overcome their addiction. Many bleeding hearts feel compassion. After being involved this short time, I do not. I’m disgusted.

So, yes, I’ve suffered anxiety, stress, stomach issues, tight chest, all sorts of stuff while dealing with this work. And, once again, it wasn’t the child so much as the whole situation and the energy of it. That is what people won’t talk about. They say, “it’s so hard” or “it almost ruined our marriage.” or “it aged me so much”.

Well, it’s toxic. Plain and simple. The child or children bring with them all that energy from their homes and previous life. The vibration fills your home and you have this heavy gloom that settles in. Everything about the work is about hard issues; addiction, failure, neglect, abuse, depression, mental disease. That is the vibration you work with.

Some people love this work and can be detached and clear. They just get in there and do it. I wish I was like that and I’m learning to be that way to a point. That is the great teachings of this experience. To serve without needing a certain outcome or expecting results.

This situation was brought to me…or rather I pulled it into my experience to learn something and change. But it was a quick lesson and let us see where it goes and when it ends.

It’s hard to make these sorts of decisions. I want to help everyone and heal the world. I have the answers and solutions (so we all think). We think the system is broken and things are a mess. But there is the belief that all this pain and imperfection is here to mold us, heal us, change us for the better. That we all have karma to work out, destinies to fulfill.

At this point, I’m not clear on what my purpose is. I’m being honest with myself and others because when I am not I have anxiety these days. I have intense physical issues when I ignore my inner guidance. Only after being clear and stating my intent does the physical malady go away.

If we are going to live our best lives we should try all sorts of things that call to us. However, it doesn’t mean it has to be a life long commitment. Some experiences are very short term but teach us a lot. Some experiences are life long.

Today I’m learning to set clear boundaries and be very honest in situations where I struggle with guilt. But as I consider my family and my personal health, I find being honest gets easier. I have also learned that we usually aren’t the heroine of the story and there is always someone smarter, better, more equipped and capable to handle what you think you must.

Little Miss and her soon to be sibling already have a much better suited home for them. A younger couple is out there right now wanting more young children and praying for her and the baby to come into their lives. I would be silly to think that we must keep her because we are the only ones who can provide a good home. That is ego and a hero complex. But the inner guidance says that isn’t so. We are a good family but only for now. We were here to help her on part of this healing journey and get her in a good place so it’s easier for the real family to step in and take over.

The Infinite Intelligence or God force knows what it’s doing. Not us. We are here to serve only for a time and then we go onto other learning experiences.

81 thoughts on “Serving others and setting boundaries.

  1. Oh Kate, I am so glad to find that you are back! I kept searching the net knowing you’d do something to get back to blogging but just this morning I found your new site here. Really missed your posts and will enjoy your continued presence. I am 71 years old so you have a varied audience! Keep on, despite the detractors. They were/are making some very bad karma for themselves (can you tell by that statement I am an old hippie?!) Thanks for coming back. Barb in New Hampshire

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  2. Oh my goodness! I had no idea of what you were going through. I am not here to give you advise but to tell you that I respect you and honor what you do. I love you dear Lady.

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  3. How wise and thoughtful you are to know what is right for you and the family and LM when being pulled in different directions. It took me so long to internalize that not everything is meant to last forever and I still have to work on that one. I hope your anxiety continues to be on its way out. xo

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  4. Oh Kate.. man this is the stuff that makes me wish I could reach out and give you a gentle squeeze (hug – but only if you’d like one, obviously!). There’s so much here I want to say, but will try to keep it brief…

    What you’d talked about at the beginning of this post is one of the things that’s always made me NUTS about social media, and about even my blog. At one point I started saying “NO advice unless I explicitly request it, please!” because some folks just can’t seem to help themselves. (I’ll also readily admit that I have also done this but I try to be really really careful about that now.. most of us rarely actually need advice; we need to listen to our internal guide.. but I’m preaching to the choir on that 😉 ).

    I’ve been going back and forth about starting a YouTube channel myself for ages, and just decided yesterday to do it (by the way, when I comment on your vlogs there, it’ll be as Rooted Mystic but it’s still me!), despite the fact that I know there will be some of the advice giving stuff, and trolls and nasty comments etc.. I just can’t do with the squeezing myself into a small box for other people thing anymore. NO MORE!

    This might just be my most favorite post you’ve ever written, and though it might sound strange for me to say, I think this post (above any others) feels like a permission slip to me… Like, I CAN speak plainly and clearly and as who I am rather than who I think someone else expects me to be. That’s one of my favorite things about you. Thank you for modeling that.

    Gentle love to you and yours. This feels like you’re getting super clear on what you all need, and I love that!

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    1. Lol, I enjoy hugs even if they are trying to make it not socially acceptable. Thank you, it’s hard to be honest at first but it gets easier because as you start really being clear with yourself and then outward with others…you find you can breath easier, you feel lighter, you find your tribe. It can be hard too, because there are the ones that don’t like that honesty and they want to hurt or make fun. I love the name Rooted Mystic, love it! Thank you for the gift the other day! Do your channel and share yourself. You can spam and block and filter the assholes.

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      1. YAY HUGS!!! 🙂 || Thanks re: Rooted Mystic! it’s so me… head in the clouds and feet on the ground at the same time lol || Truly that is my absolute pleasure. Thank YOU for all you have shared and do choose to share moving forward! || YES, I love that and I won’t hesitate to block and delete 😉

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  5. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. All things we go through in life are placed before us and are part of our journey. Journey to what? A better us, a better life, a better community, a better world – whatever.
    Sometimes we get placed in situations that make us revaluate ourselves and that can be good!
    Take care my friend.

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  6. Much respect for the boundaries, you have given me the push to stick to my own. I am surprised at the amount of unsolicited and way-off-base advice I am given from people who have never been in my situation (and don’t know my situation because I haven’t shared much personal info online) I’ve had to do a lot of deleting and hid my email. I can’t imagine how much more there is for you considering how large your channel was. Here’s hoping your new channel and blog run more smoothly, I am completely enjoying the spiritual / transformative side. Long may it continue!

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  7. I think our purpose in life is simply to love. If I am loving and feel loved, that is enough.
    That’s probably pretty corny or simplistic, but I am okay with it. I’ve spent my whole life trying to find a “career” when in reality my purpose was to love, nurture, and stay curious/learn about the world. Hence the attraction to the domestic arts. It’s in me blood.

    I appreciate you sharing an honest evaluation of the fostering journey from the perspective of the fostering family. I have heard about the experience from the perspective of the couple wanting to adopt as I have in-law relatives who adopted two children about 8 years ago. The story is the same/similar regarding the bio family. I am kinda blown away by the similarities.

    As for the commenters that are overstepping with their advice, there will always be those types. You touched upon this in yesterday’s vlog. Fans can get wrapped up in “knowing” you that they go too far. None of these YT subscribers, including myself, truly know you. All they know is a snapshot of you. A moment in time that captured your mood. All we can see are patterns of behavior. I’ll be honest, it’s hard to NOT give advice. Women attracted to your work are helpers. We hear or read about challenges, we want to help. It’s very hard to sit and listen, but it’s one of the greatest gifts to give a friend.

    Great post.

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  8. What an honest post. This is why I love to read your blog and watch your vlogs. You are real. Do what is right for you and your family. Don’t listen to unsolicited advice. Hugs and Love.

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  9. I love your honesty. I believe that you were destined by God to be there for her. Not just as a transition but as the chosen place for her at this time in her life. It sounds like such a difficult decision but the right one for all of you. Blessings to you, Kate.
    Valerie in SC

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  10. My dear sweet Kate, you have given little miss so much love and letting her go has to be hard but you are doing what is best for all. Your such a precious soul and have much to offer this world. Take the negative with a grain of salt. You are so loved by all your community here and on the vlog. Just keep being you ❤️

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  11. It is a very healthy thing for everyone involved when you can realize and live your own truth. Setting boundaries is a necessary part of that or you will begin to feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of and won’t be able to function well on any level. That is true in all aspects of life. I have recently learned the necessity of doing that in my own life and it isn’t always easy and often people don’t like it, but you have to for your own and your family’s well being. You filled a special transitional role in Little Miss’s journey, but just were not meant to be her final destination. Job well done! She will always remember and appreciate Mama Kate, even when she is with her forever family, whoever that may be. Maybe you don’t need to set and define an exact format or subject matter for your channel, perhaps just “go with the flow” and with whatever is on your heart or mind at the time. It is too bad that some see the need to analyze you or give you advice or criticize when you don’t follow their model. I personally would block that crap so fast! LOL! Thank you for sharing your struggles and your learning and your musings along with the good and happy times, it is what makes you real and genuine and I can much more easily identify with you than with someone who tries to portray themselves as being perfect and having it all together every moment of every day. Be blessed! 🌻 ~Janet~

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    1. Thank you times ten! And thank your for the “block that crap” I feel I want to and that sort of gives me permission to put up with less of it. I think I’ll work from homemaking books and my take on things. However, this blog is my FAVORITE and if it turns out the channel is just passed it’s season…I will continue to write on here. I love writing the blog.

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      1. Just be you on your channel and your tribe will love your videos and stay, those that don’t like your content can go or you can block the negativity. You don’t need to put up with agitators or critics or busybodies that feel obligated to critique or judge or try to change you. Don’t let them steal your peace. It is not your job to make everyone happy. Having fewer viewers who love and accept you for you is much, much better than trying to constantly please and conform to the bidding of a large group of subscribers, which is impossible anyway. You have every right to cut off the negativity, which will create a much more peaceful environment. The bad apples seem to just taint the pot, so better to weed them out and let them go find their own flock to hang with in my opinion! You will have plenty of support and camaraderie when you do and say what you want and those that are unhappy with that will be better served elsewhere anyway. 🌻 ~Janet~

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  12. I’m sure there will be negative comments, but you’re just being honest. I’m pretty sure I’d feel exactly the same. Still enjoying your blog and YouTube. Hoping for some cooler weather soon. I think all of us out here on the west coast have about had it with this hot summer!

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  13. You are bad ass Kate! Anyone who has ever thought of fostering should have to read this! It may change their mind or maybe it won’t – but thank God there are still honest people in this world! And you gave it your all- no failure in that- once again, speaks volumes about your character! My daughter told me once, “mom don’t give me advice every time I try to talk to you- just listen!” As a woman, I have to remind myself of that from time to time. We’re fixers by nature!

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  14. Aah sweetheart, you just have to ignore it and let all the “helpful” advice roll off of you. You’re always going to get someone giving you their take on how you should live your life when you are public like this. You know what’s best for you and your family. Focus on that. 🙂

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  15. Oh Kate, this blog has left me with so many emotions. You and your family were there for Little Miss when she needed normalcy and a steady home. You have done what many could not and would not do. You opened your home and your heart and she will always remember the time she had with your family. My heart breaks for all these children who are suffering so much. Just yesterday I read about two brothers in Oklahoma who were in a group home, the younger one got adopted but the older one wasn’t. And he was on TV telling a reporter that all he wanted was for a family to pick him. “Please pick me.” he said. It made me sad. I cannot imagine how rejected he must have felt. His brother was the only family he had. I cried. You did what you could for LM, and that is all that matters. Thank you for being kind and generous and a better person than most. Please take care.

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    1. Oh God, how heart breaking!! Over here they try to NOT separate the siblings because it usually is the only family they have. That makes me cry as well. It angers me, all these stupid drug addicts destroying all these little lives. It’s unbearable. They need to keep changing things with the system. It’s much, much better but still needs huge improvements.

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  16. Hi Kate,

    Wow, it does seem that fostering has taken over your life with so many other people involved. Hard to know where it will all lead, but this little girl has had a good experience in a happy home for however long she’s with you, and also with her arriving sibling. I didn’t know you started your new YouTube. Is it still Coffee with Kate? I’ll look for it. I’ve missed you and your channel chats. ((hugs)) Sis

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  17. Everytime I read your comments sections either here or on youtube, one truth always shines thru. It is you that draws the folks in…not what you are doing or talking about. I “know” all the experts say create a niche, focus, specialize…and that’s a good formula for some. But not all. Your brand is you…..eclectic, funky Kate. You are a personality!!! You dont have to create one or hone it, it simply already exists with you. It’s not homemaking, fostering, homeschooling, how you eat, taoism, spiritualism, or whatever….those are all just some of the many beautiful facets that make kate who she is. Most channels have to hustle to create something, some formula they have to push and sell. Its FAKE. We all know it. We all like happy funky Kate! We all just want to be who we are, you just keep reminding people that its ok to do so. God created us all different for a reason….we arent meant to be the same 💕

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    1. What a wonderful thing to read first thing in the morning with my coffee. I already have some trolls (just can’t avoid the creatures) and I try to look away before I read the hideousness. Then I have comments like this that rejuvenate my spirit. I have no branding or idea what the focus is and so your views are very true and comforting. I don’t have to have a focus! I can just have fun with it all…as we all should do in our lives. Find the fun, relearn the joy of play, make things simple.

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  18. Kate,
    WOW that sure is an eye opener!! When I think of foster care I really didn’t think of all the disruptions to your life, agency people, appointments, parents, pressure to take on a newborn!! Plus lets not forget your beautiful family and the doggies. I applaud you for what you have done for this little girl in her time of need. Its so easy for others to throw out advice or their helpful hints wrapped in an insult. You know what works best and doesn’t for your family, YOU DO YOU!!!!
    Roxanne

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  19. Kate, every day we face new adventures; some are good, some not so good but they are put there to learn from. When you have a big heart you get hurt easier, especially when you have no control over the outcome. Prayerfully the younger couple will be able to adopt them. It sounds like you offered stability to a child who had none and that was a wonderful gift.

    I am surprised at all the changes that have come with getting older. We no longer have that “complete contol” over our bodies that we once had. At 65, I find that some days I do well to do the basics of getting up, showering and getting dressed. After that, things just have to fall into place. Realize that age slows you down no matter how hard you try not to. Try not to put too much on yourself. Hang in there, darling. Life has a way of working itself out.

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    1. Yes, I’m getting that things just aren’t the same and I choose ‘slow’ mode these days. I met with the social worker today and it looks like a perfect family with a little girl, also adopted, might be wanting more children. That thrills me and would be perfect for her.

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    1. This touched my heart in so many ways. I truely missed your blog although never commented as I felt I had nothing to say. Im the eternal chatterbox who fills air but worries about what I am saying if its interesting.
      Well lockdown has helped me not give a crap. My hubby works hard so I can stay home and i love it on the whole (not the best cleaner, would much rather paint or do tai chi) I didnt realise how who you let into your life can suck your energy and its only as some people have come back visiting I feel very tired after they leave.
      People and their well meaning opinions, unless asked back the f….off. Its kind of people to create and share but doesn’t mean they are doing it for anyone but themselves.
      I have found the opinions of some, have been unkind about what i must do all day and why my hubby doesnt make his own lunch. Well you know what it suits us and I have just stopped justifying how we do what we do.
      I can only imagine the energy that comes from the childs background and the state stuff. My adopted nana said fostering was about giving and guiding these babies (didnt matter their age she called them her babies and she did it for 37 years)in to the next place. Helping them know and feel what a loving home should be. You have done that and I love your honesty, its hard and these parents shoud be ashamed of what they do to these precious children.
      Something about this post made me think of what my dad told me
      as a teenager “Uninteresting people gossip about people , interesting people talk about things and very interesting people talk about ideas and dreams” You are definately a very interesting person. He taught phiosophy and sociology the smarty pants.
      Always protect your privacy as you deem fit as we should all.
      I hope this makes you chuckle, my little girl came in the kitchen where i was making tea (dinner to a northern english girl)and said”mama your friend on tv is back”.
      Blessings to you all out there.x
      (here endth the waffling)

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      1. I love it!! And yes, those people need to back the bleep off! What an amazing nana, how the heck anyone does this a year or 37 is beyond my understanding. But yes, this little girl knows what a good home is now and we’ve changed her vibration and what she will manifest. I’m pretty sure we found her a great home with a little sister so her life is going to keep going up and up.

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      2. Northern English girl, I loved reading this. It is awesome to see that Kate’s community is international. Speaking of fathers. Mine would say,” You know who’s not happy with their life, those that are busy discussing yours.” And what your dad told you is 100% correct. Thank you for sharing that. Take care.

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  20. Oh Kate, I had no idea what you were going through, that is a really hard situation, I pray everything turns out for the best for little miss and her soon to be sibling, praying also for you and Bali to have strength and wisdom.

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  21. Kate, I love your honesty. I don’t blame you for being very annoyed with all the advice giving. Reading this post and the responses from other readers has made me recognize that I need to check my own impulses to try to fix things for others when listening is what is really needed. This is a valuable realization for me. Thanks to you and all!

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  22. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Kate I’m Teresa Moore on your YouTube channel. I thought the comments were very presumptive and rude. Please don’t leave YouTube, just ignore or delete the antagonising comments. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Lol, I won’t. I know, everyone is nervous now…I’m nervous now! Most comments were great and I just love that community and this one (same people too), but there were a couple comments that were annoying. I just spoke to them individually.

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  23. Ok, here’s my unsolicited advice for the channel (is there really any other kind? :)). Just be you. Chat about the topics on your mind (while maintaining your privacy). Give those glimpses of your everyday life. Show how you and your family do things with the resources you have. Show your aspirational – and your daily life – spiritual stuff. I know, sounds like what you’ve BEEN doing. That’s because I click on the videos to catch up with a friend. What’s going on over there? How’s that project coming along (hey, I’m emotionally invested in that kitchen cabinet project :))? What new stuff is coming down the pike? In other words, a comfy chat with a friend who’s living their life day by day – some worse, some better – with humor, strong opinions, heart, and vulnerability. Be you and grow where you’re led – some of it will resonate, some won’t and that’s perfect. Now, about the fostering….nope, I don’t know a damn thing about that. LOL. But, still, let me say that you and the family were a steady, calm stepping stone for her. A good place to launch from and that’s what she needed. Isn’t that “fostering” anyway? Whatever you do, whatever happens, I wish you sunny days ahead.

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  24. HI Kate., enjoy your blog so much. Turn off your comments like prepper princess does, or do a screw you video like Caravan Carolyn did LOL. In my opinion there is no other way to share your journey.Personally I like dogs over most people.I admire you, I totally get it with the fostering, i couldn’t do it. That little girl will always remember you and her time there, and I am sure you have planted some wonderful seeds.I personally would love to hear your views on spirituality. reincarnation and such..By the way,, i do agree on the mammogram comment

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  25. Hi Kate, this is my first time posting. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog and your channel. Please don’t let the negative Nancy’s deter you from continuing. Much love, from a huge fan in Maine 😋

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  26. Life would be so boring if everyone did things the same way. And it would be so chaotic if we followed everyone’s advice. There is a season for everything under the sun. So just keep being you.

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  27. Wow, Kate, your honesty is refreshing and appreciated. I think you’ve done a good thing by being there for this child when she needed you. Such a sad and frustrating situation.

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  28. Hi Kate, fostering/adoption is a white knuckle ride for sure with plenty of highs & lows. Untill u go through the process, u can only imagine what it will be like because Long Lost Families it isnt! Most birth families of today have their beautiful children taken off them because of their toxic/chaotic lifestyles & it sucks.
    My 2 beautiful adopted boys have payed the price. Would we do it again, probably not. Would we go to Hell n back for them , yes! We love them.
    I admire your strength & determination Kate, you followed your heart & whatever the out come, u did it. Not many people can say that. Take care my lovely 🤓🙏💗

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  29. Please please be gentle with yourself. This is a journey, you are learning. Always learning. Your family has been a wonderful calming space for Little Miss, but it’s ok to close that chapter. I think your boys need you for now, just you and them. You could consider fostering again in about 10 years if you wanted to? Now, YouTube – turn off the comments? I see many YouTubers do that. I love your honesty and genuiness.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Hi Kate,

    What a beautiful thing you did for LM!

    I struggle with purpose as well. My boys are about a year younger than each of yours and now that they are a little bigger I feel as though I should be working. It is not necessary for me to work and there is so much to be done around here…I think it’s because I was always hardworking and enjoyed working until babies came. I am working on contentment and setting boundaries with family. 🤪

    Although I don’t agree with you on everything, which would be impossible, I respect your choices. We all have different experiences that have shaped us and who would I be to call you wrong.

    The majority of people that come here and to YT seem to be pretty open minded. I think you handle it pretty gracefully as I wouldn’t even want anyone’s opinion on my furniture and paint colors. 😅

    If you’re asking for YT ideas …I was still wanting to hear your take on Rhonda Hetzel’s books.

    Maybe I’m speaking for myself…but most of us don’t have any real life friends like you. You are an inspirational homemaker.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Loved watching your latest video! You could turn off comments for awhile if you think that would deter some. I watched my sister and brother in law adopt two beautiful girls, so much for them to work through. It’s taken a physical toll on my sister, which saddens me. She declines while she helps build them up, which she is doing that part well.

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  32. I think it’s wonderful that you stepped in to help the little one . It’s something you wanted to do very badly and you’ll never regret that you did it. You would always wonder, and regret if you hadn’t. We tend only regret the things we do not try and you did it , and now realize it’s not something you want to do again.
    Most people don’t try at all. I never did because I just was not moved to do it. So you can be proud of yourself and your family that you took on this child and made her life better while , as you said,until the forever family is found for her and her sibling !
    It is a time in your life you and Bali will always remember.
    Such a wonderful experience for your boys as well.
    😁

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  33. Again I say kudos to you. The only one who knows what is right for you is YOU. Every time I have gone against my inner guidance I’ve regretted it. Everything is temporary and the only constant is change. Thank you for being real. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Thank you Kate for sharing your expierence with fostering. and being so open and honest. This world needs so much more of that, esp now. I love hearing your point of view and please disregard any of the people offering unsolicited device, dont let it get to you! comes w/the territory…easier said then done. If we all knew how to live perfectly, then everyone would be perfect…but that sounds boring! Im still so glad your back and sharing this/ your life with us. What people really want to see (bc we hardly ever get to) myself included is the unfiltered daily life/struggles/abundances of others. Your blogs are really comforting, I save them until I have a few to read when I can really sit down and be present , same with the videos! Keep on being you! Its all any of us really have to offer this world ❤

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  35. I respect your honesty. Many people get involved in fostering but then can’t be honest that maybe its not working. It takes a strong person to admit it, and to put pride aside for the good of the child. Ive never been a foster but I was involved with advocating for children at a domestic abuse shelter. The system is very draining and left me feeling hopeless.

    Thank you for returning to blogging and youtube. You have much to offer and its greatly appreciated.

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  36. Kate, Just remember that life is an ongoing experiment of sorts. You try things on to see how they work. Some things work great and just flow. Others don’t. But sometimes the ones that don’t, teach us more. Even though fostering has been so challenging, it sounds like you are more certain about those things that are right for you. So maybe you wander a bit, or your mood changes, it just part of the journey. I’ve always admired your free spirit and your love of life. Hang in there. Right now you’re just a bit battle weary. And you have a right to be tired and maybe a bit sad, even. It will pass and you will find your full joy again. Keep embracing those little things you enjoy so much. They will keep you grounded. And remember too, that you are loved.

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